I’ve begun to watch my marriage fall apart in front of my eyes. Nathan criticized my appearance. “You’ve just let yourself go, Dani,” he said. “Always in those frumpy clothes. Do you think that you’ll keep the spark alive like that?”He accused me of not being a good enough mother because I worked too much — although I worked from home. Ellie was always around me, except she when was at school. “You’re always behind that computer screen. Do you even give Ellie enough attention? It doesn’t seem like it. She’s always alone when I come home from work.” At first, I used to retaliate. I would speak my feelings to Nathan. But eventually, I just tired of fighting with him. “Do what you want,”
I said one evening as I went to put Ellie to bed. Things took a turn when Nathan suddenly became more tolerable. He was nice. At first I attributed it to him getting a new job offer in another city. I didn’t mind the move. I could work from anywhere, and Ellie was only in the first grade. “It’s a new start,” Nathan said, helping me box up our lives.
We moved,hoping for that fresh start — and for things to get better between us. Nathan enrolled Ellie in a new school that he had researched in the weeks leading to the big move. He seemed to have everything in order. “I’m serious about this move, honey,” he said, giving Ellie an juice box. “This is going to be great.” But a few weeks after Ellie started at school, she started coming home upset, refusing to tell me why. Then, one day, I found her crying in her room. “Honey, what happened?” I asked, worried. “I don’t want Miss Allen to be my mother! I want you to be my mother!” Ellie sobbed. A chill ran through me. Miss Allen was Ellie’s teacher. “Why would she become your mother?” I asked. Ellie looked at me with large tears dropping from her face. She shook her head. “Honey, tell me,” I pressed. My daughter sighed deeply, as if the weight of the entire world rested on her little shoulders. “Yesterday, when Dad picked me from school, Miss Allen told me to wait by the door while she spoke to Dad. I didn’t hear everything, but I did hear her saying that she’ll be a better mom to me… Dad laughed when she said that.” The floor might as well have fallen away from beneath me. The accusations, the move, the sudden niceness — it all clicked into a horrifying picture. My husband was having an affair.
That evening, after making sure that Ellie was asleep, I poured Nathan a drink. He accepted it with a smile, oblivious to the storm brewing inside me. “So,” I began. “Miss Allen seems really good with Ellie.” “Really?” he asked, his eyes lighting up. “I knew Ellie liked her…” “Enough for Miss Allen to be her new mom?” I asked. “What’s going on, and don’t you dare lie to me.” Nathan’s face drained of color, guilt written all over him. His confession poured out, officially ruining our marriage. He had been having an affair before we moved, but the woman wanted more from him. So, he broke it off when the new job opportunity came up. But it hadn’t taken him long — he and Miss Allen had been seeing each other for two weeks before Ellie overheard their conversation. The next day, when I dropped Ellie off at school, I confronted Miss Allen about the affair. She denied everything. I transferred Ellie to another school. She needed to be protected and cherished, not be caught in the middle of her father’s extramarital affairs. A divorce was inevitable, and I found that while it was painful, I was relieved. Nathan had destroyed us a long time ago, it was just time to end our marriage officially. We are a few months into the divorce and Ellie is my focus — with constant reassurance that she is loved unconditionally. She’s forgotten about Miss Allen, and loves her new teacher. Nathan is free to come and go as he pleases with Ellie, as she is the most important factor in our lives.
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